Friday, 29 January 2016

FMF: Quiet

Here we are again, at the end of another week and on time for another Five Minute Friday. I couldn't get motivated to write this morning and, surprise surprise, my 5yo, little Miss A, decided she actually wanted to work hard on school today and got ALL her school work done before noon! Yay A!!! But it meant a delay in my writing, which was fine of course. And then the afternoon was spent doing the normal and mundane household things, and getting Misses A & E outside to play (unseasonably gorgeous weather permitted that) and now, it's evening, Miss R, the baby is sleeping soundly, Misses A & E are playing checkers and backgammon with Daddy and me? I have my glass of wine, my music, my computer and my quiet so I can write. My quiet. Yeah. :) And that's the word Kate has given us today! Read her post at the FMF hub! So now it's my turn with the word. I never read her post before I write. I'm always afraid it will influence what I write about and how I write. :)  But I set my time for 5 minutes and ...


It seems quiet in here. But the words, they come from virtual voices, voices I’ve never heard before in my life but I give characters to them. Names I have voices I create. But these soundless, quiet voices, they speak volumes.  “You need to be fit”, they say! “Fit means looking like this, and doing these activities, and drinking this and eating that!” But, other than a few minor changes, I don’t eat that poorly. I actually eat pretty well! Activity? Try keeping up with 3 active littles aged 5 and under! But why does fit need to mean doing those activities with those repetitions or you will fail?!

“Be social”, they say! “Social is what everyone needs to be! It means you talk to everyone and you’re always smiling and happy and you never let anyone know you might not be having a great day … emotionally or mentally or spiritually.” (I think it must be the extreme extroverts that say that!)

“Be gracious”, they say! “Gracious means never telling someone off when they say or do something that hurts you or is just downright immoral. It might hurt their feelings, after all!” Is that really grace?! I’m not sure Scripture would agree with that!

“Be tolerant”, they say! “Tolerant means that everyone is right and they are allowed to tell you that you are wrong … but if you tell them they are wrong you’re an intolerant, fundamentalist Bible thumper.” What happened to tolerance??

And these virtual voices, the tones of which I’ve created, they are loud. They hurt, the confuse, the exhaust physically and mentally … and, yes, sometimes even spiritually.

I just want to say, maybe shout, “Be quiet!!” 

Their voices can be quieted. Just turn them off! Listen to the Word, the Word of God Himself. That voice, though quiet, speaks volumes, speaks truth, speaks real grace and mercy and forgiveness and, well, LIFE!  So, the virtual voices I will silence one by one. But the quiet Word of God, that still small voice, I will devour, inhale so it speaks volumes to me, so it fills my life, fills my ears with beauty, with righteousness, with mercy, with grace! That is the quiet that I will embrace.

Image created by me on

Tuesday, 26 January 2016

Rambling, Stumbling, Prayer

So, I was pondering things and needed to write. This is what came out. This is very, very much unedited. It needs work. And, yet, it works. Opinions and ideas are accepted in comments. :)

Rambling, Stumbling, Prayer

How do I pray?
Do I just start talking?
What do I say??
Not one for small talk
but, then, I suppose, 
neither are you?
So, ...
jump in the deep end?
Is that what I need to do?

Start at the beginning...
it's a good place to start
... so they say.
Start at the beginning,
is this how to pray?

Slept in again
after another late night,
need to stop that delay
of turning off lights.

Sleeping in means I'm not ready
when my munchkins wake up,
can't seem to keep steady,
always manage to mess up.

Sheets to be changed,
means more laundry to do,
milk was spilled,
one can't find a shoe ...

Day in, day out,
not much changes,
the monotony continues ...
is it one of those stages?

Some days it's difficult
to embrace the mundane,
when everything goes on
just the same, just the same.

Just the same arguments
Just the same fights
Just the same troubles
Just the same "mights"

The "mights" of negotiations,
theirs and mine,
doesn't take long to admit,
we can't continue this routine.

I'm exhausted, they're grumpy;
I'm grumpy, they're lost.
My selfish apathy,
oh what is the cost!

Not all days are like that,
not all days are bad.
But the bad ones are what linger in my mind
and I wonder how to undo
all the damage I've done.

I need Your grace,
they need it too!
I need to remember to give them grace too!
I need to let go of my worries and fears,
to hold them, hug them, wipe away tears!

This mothering job You've given me Lord,
the hardest job ever, with the greatest reward.
This rambling prayer,
    yes, that's what it is,
just how I talk, it's just who I am,
    and this rambling to You
        brings me peace.

So, is that how to pray?
Just talk as I would
    to my father, my husband, my friend?
Just talk while You listen
    and also listen to You?
To grow in this life
    leaning on you?
Are you the ear that I need
    the shoulder to lean on?
Is it really this simple?
Oh, how could I have forgotten?!

Lord, help me remember
    Your eternal promise,
That you are God with us
    not 'far from us'.

Sunday, 24 January 2016


This past summer we had gone on a road trip to BC. While there, I attempted to keep up with Five Minute Friday. One entry I had written in my journal. It was a couple of days after we arrived in BC. But, for some reason, it never seemed to make it here to my blog. So, here I write it now.


Yesterday I took Annalise to visit my mom's grave. I needed to go there; I thought it would be meaningful to Annalise to go as well. I needed to talk to Mom. Oh, how many days there are when I need to talk to her! 

But I didn't. I didn't talk to her - she's not there. She's living in perfect freedom. 

We brought her flowers - I think she would have liked them. And my big girl and I talked about her, about her faith, about where she is now. And I sang. I sang "her" Psalm - the one printed on her gravestone. From the Book of Praise (Canadian Reformed ... and an older version - the one I grew up with and still have mostly memorized):

Psalm 84:1, 4

O Lord of Host, O God of grace,
How lovely is Thy holy place,
How good and pleasant is They dwelling!
O how my soul longs earnestly,
Yea, faints thy holy courts to see
Mid festal throngs and music swelling.
My heart and flesh cry out to God;
To Him I spread my hands abroad.

From strength to strength God's people go,
And He to them His face will show
In Zion's courts, His holy dwelling.
O Lord, Thou God of hosts, give ear;
O Jacob's God, in mercy hear, 
Thy steadfast promises fulfilling.
O God, our king and shield behold;
To him Thy power and love unfold.

And I remember how mom clung to His promises, held on for dear life, and saw them fulfilled - she is with Him now!! She is free! And I can hear her tell me to stop living in the past, to stop dwelling on what was, but to live in the present, for the future, trusting always in Him!

And on the drive "home" to Dad's, with that echoing in me, part of a Switchfoot song (Yesterdays) comes to mind:

"... A part of you in me is torn
And you're free

I woke from a dream last night
I dreamt that you were by my side
Reminding me I still had life
In me ..."

Then this morning, I woke and checked my email and saw that the FMF word is "Free"!! Thank-you God! 

Mom is living in perfect freedom and one day I will be too!

Praise God, in Him we are free!

Friday, 22 January 2016

FMF: Be Present

Today my 5 year old joined me for Five Minute Friday (and it covered the writing time for her homeschooling so, yay, we killed two birds with one stone)! :) We each took a different definition of the word "present". I opted for the concept of being present in a child's life and Miss A opted for the present which is a gift that you open. :)  She also opted for my drawing and less writing, but it's a start! I've taken a photo of hers and added it to the end of the post.

So, five minutes from start to finish, no editing (and no overthinking ... not sure that is one of the rules but that's my rule ... bad things happen when I overthink. :) ) So, here are my and Miss A's submissions for today's Five Minute Friday.

Be Present

She looks at you forlornly
wondering what distracts you
from loving her.
Her arms reach
but you push her away –
the newsfeed captivates your interest.
She’s three.
You’re life seems more important
than her few years.

You look up one day
and now she’s 6.
You wonder how you missed that.
Her curiosity and intelligence amaze –
where did it come from?
how did it develop?
She wants to read with you
but you have no time or patience
you push her away.

Shouts ring through the house.
At 12 she rebels.
“what do you care?”
Every day is a fight.
Every day is worse.
you hurt
so you turn to where you are “accepted”
You beloved newsfeed.

You’re lonely.
Where did she go?
Married, starting a family of her own
now at 24.
But struggling,
forsaking all the values you preached
(but didn’t really live …
because your newsfeed distracted you)
“Do you want to see your grandchildren?”
She wonders.
Will you be present?

Or will you loose it all?

Wednesday, 20 January 2016

FMF: Time

Finally I'm returning to Five Minute Friday! Funny that today's word is "time" as every week Friday seems to slip by before I even realize it's come! :) Today's FMF is in poetry. Enjoy!


Time stands still and you can hold the moment forever –
            the first kiss
            the baby born
            the first baby smile … and giggle
                                    the call
                                                she’s gone.

But then the moment’s gone and time …
it blurs by
            many kisses
            many smiles
            many tears
                                    they’re grown
                                                “he asked me to marry him!”
                                                            they’re gone.

Where did the time go?
Cling to the moments in memories
And maybe
            just maybe

                        time will stand still once more.