Tuesday, 26 January 2016

Rambling, Stumbling, Prayer

So, I was pondering things and needed to write. This is what came out. This is very, very much unedited. It needs work. And, yet, it works. Opinions and ideas are accepted in comments. :)

Rambling, Stumbling, Prayer

How do I pray?
Do I just start talking?
What do I say??
Not one for small talk
but, then, I suppose, 
neither are you?
So, ...
jump in the deep end?
Is that what I need to do?

Start at the beginning...
it's a good place to start
... so they say.
Start at the beginning,
is this how to pray?

Slept in again
after another late night,
need to stop that delay
of turning off lights.

Sleeping in means I'm not ready
when my munchkins wake up,
can't seem to keep steady,
always manage to mess up.

Sheets to be changed,
means more laundry to do,
milk was spilled,
one can't find a shoe ...

Day in, day out,
not much changes,
the monotony continues ...
is it one of those stages?

Some days it's difficult
to embrace the mundane,
when everything goes on
just the same, just the same.

Just the same arguments
Just the same fights
Just the same troubles
Just the same "mights"

The "mights" of negotiations,
theirs and mine,
doesn't take long to admit,
we can't continue this routine.

I'm exhausted, they're grumpy;
I'm grumpy, they're lost.
My selfish apathy,
oh what is the cost!

Not all days are like that,
not all days are bad.
But the bad ones are what linger in my mind
and I wonder how to undo
all the damage I've done.

I need Your grace,
they need it too!
I need to remember to give them grace too!
I need to let go of my worries and fears,
to hold them, hug them, wipe away tears!

This mothering job You've given me Lord,
the hardest job ever, with the greatest reward.
This rambling prayer,
    yes, that's what it is,
just how I talk, it's just who I am,
    and this rambling to You
        brings me peace.

So, is that how to pray?
Just talk as I would
    to my father, my husband, my friend?
Just talk while You listen
    and also listen to You?
To grow in this life
    leaning on you?
Are you the ear that I need
    the shoulder to lean on?
Is it really this simple?
Oh, how could I have forgotten?!

Lord, help me remember
    Your eternal promise,
That you are God with us
    not 'far from us'.

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