Friday 14 March 2014

Five Minute Friday: Crowd

Today I want to be alone. I’m drained, exhausted, need to recharge. SO grumpy!
But the kids woke early and I lost the time I needed. This is a day when three really is a crowd. Crowds are hard. My body tenses, I feel anxiety and have to put on a show that I’m all good, that I’m happy to be there, that I’d just love to chat with all these people (yes, even when that crowd is just me plus two kids sometimes). Then he says, “you need to phone such and such and get this done.” He doesn’t know where my mind is today. He doesn’t know that even the phone is a crowd in my mind today. But I have to pretend. I’m strong. I can do this. I feel the anxiety rise another level but I push back at it. I have to do this! Phone calls with strangers DO count as crowds. (Don’t tell me they don’t!)


Crowds used to terrify me, back when I was deathly shy. These days, I’m not as shy but I’m still not fond of crowds.


Ach, there are crowds I don’t mind: church on Sundays, Coffee Break on Thursdays. But I know those crowds. I know (kind of) my place in those crowds. I can handle those - especially since I get plenty of time to recharge afterwards. And really, in church, I can just focus on the message, on the worship and pretend the crowd doesn’t even exist. :) I like those kinds of crowds. :) Or malls, I can handle those because I’m not expected to interact with anyone if I don’t want to. I can just walk around and observe if that’s all I want to do (and sometimes it is). But most times, if I’m in a crowd of people, by choice, know that it took a lot of effort to be there and know that, sometimes, it will take time for me to open up and talk. Trust in crowds (however small they might be) is a lot harder than trust with friends when one-on-one.

Five Minute Friday is five minutes of free writing and is hosted by Lisa-Jo Baker on her blog.

Five Minute Friday

4 comments:

  1. Oh my goodness - I could be reading my own words! I understand perfectly, my friend! My own blog talked of the world humming by and being swept up in it, and I guess I just wanted to say exactly what you did so beautifully - it can be scary out there! Thanks for sharing today :)

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    1. Thanks! I'm reading through some of the other blogs now ... I'll have to search out yours! :)

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  2. Two kids can totally be a crowd and add in that dreaded phone call (why does it make me so nervous?) and my mind feels all together crowded. I get it =)

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    1. Thanks for your comment! I'm always grateful when people can relate to how I feel! :)

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